Smoking and Bipolar


Coming to a crossroads of decisions that need to be made, I became mentally and physically agitated. Hundreds of questions competing for attention in my mind, and the sudden need for direction from above. A need for something to turn my hundred questions into a simple five or so. I started haphazardly, madly thumbing through books I had on hand. Some self-help, some spiritual guides, and some first-hand accounts of other lives. Finding nothing to soothe myself, and hardly looking long enough to read a few sentences before moving on, I climbed out of my window, menthol cigarette and a small yellow lighter in my hand. The black air, lack of distractions, and the nicotine got me there: to a place where my brain stopped careening out of control. My thoughts became lighter, and slower, seemingly swirling about me lazily- mimicking the smoke.