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First VLOG! eeeeeek!!!

On people expecting me to be better, forgetting I’m sick and work relationships in general.

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  1. bpshielsy

     /  May 25, 2012

    I can relate to this. When I’m back in work it’s as though people forget I’ve still got bipolar & assume everything is back to ‘normal’.

    • Yeah…not really breaking any new ground here haha. It’s something we all go through (unfortunately). Its just what popped out of my mouth when I started the camera 🙂

      Do you have any tips?

      • bpshielsy

         /  May 25, 2012

        Sorry I’m still trying to figure it out for myself 😦

      • I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be negative! I was trying to call myself unoriginal. But I’ll keep it positive from now on! 🙂 sorry we had a misunderstanding.

      • bpshielsy

         /  May 31, 2012

        No need to apologise. I didn’t see you as being negative to be honest 🙂

      • okay sweet! 🙂

  2. singer51781

     /  May 25, 2012

    I’m sorry you’re going through this work thing. I can totally sympathise with you on this one. I used to have such a reputation at the organization I worked for. I lead and developed committees, was very good at my job, and was just very nice to everyone and confident.

    Finally, my Bipolar1 got the best of me. Last September was the downfall of my reputation at work as I had to keep taking month-long leaves. I’d then come back in a daze from all the meds, try to do my job, say i feel a whole lot better, and then end up in the hospital again a few days later.

    People got sick of me, and one girl said, “Always something with you.” That hurt.

    Anyway, just wanted to say you’re so pretty!

    Just curious, what happens to you when you can’t work? I’m trying to undersatnd my illness better.

    • Thank you for your response! Umm what happens to me is that I just can’t physically get out of bed. And when I do I just am so negative/depressed. Going to work in this mood only leads to anxiety attacks and feelings of worthlessness. I rarely miss whole days, but with three mornings missed in a row…my hours really take a hit.

      • singer51781

         /  May 25, 2012

        Oh, ok. Sounds similar to me then. Only I would not necessarily be depressed, I would just dread work for some reason because I was so out of it. Then I’d get there, and when people would ask me to do something, everything would start spinning and I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I’d get so fed up I’d just leave. So we’re backwards, lol. I used to be so on top of things at work and everywhere, and losing all of that really made me feel worthless. But remember you’re not worthless. Think of it. Some people go through illness, and some people are spoiled brats at 40 years old who have never grown up. People are likely to dis-like the 40 year old brats more, lol. When I feel worthless, I try to think of it like that!

        But it’s hard, I know. Keep us posted. 🙂 Maybe I’ll try a vlog!

      • Yeah do a vlog!! 🙂

  3. Davies, G J

     /  May 25, 2012

    All sounds very rational and insightful to me. I am currently off my previous job and I cannot help but wonder if I had felt a great deal more confident about discussing my needs with understanding managers and colleagues whether I might have avoided the worst of a recent bout of depression.

    So, what’s the verdict – Vlogging helpful?

    You are braver than I.

    • It’s always a tough call. Who knows if they would have been more understanding or if they would have stereotyped you. I think it all depends on the environment/the people who you are around.

      Hard to say! It surprised me that it ended up mostly coherent and I actually wasn’t thinking about some of that stuff until I started talking. Made me realize how much it was actually bothering me. It’s different than writing a post for sure. It’s like venting to a friend then being able to watch what you say. It’s interesting to have those words on record.

      It still makes me nervous to have my face up here! But I figure the world is so huge that I probably won’t run into anyone who would know me, and that if they did find my blog, they are probably interested in Bipolar anyhow.

      It was a giant step from not having any pictures of myself to posting a video! Still makes me nervous.

      • Davies, G J

         /  May 26, 2012

        Perhaps that’s the real issue, never knowing how people will react, having to exercise caution. At what point is caution disadvantageous; does it ever veer into paranoia?

        You job itself sounds well a suited to your needs, even if the people do not completely get what you struggle with. Some companies, despite having nice employees, just aren’t set up to deal with illness and performance issues are not taken well, even if goodwill is there.

        Also an interesting question about whether the internet
        provides a suitable mean between being able to vocalise issues broadly to people but not, at the same time, revealing too much to inappropriate strangers. I guess there is a risk that unkind and possibly even familiar people will run across a blog, but I shouldn’t think that is more likely to cause an incident that risks posed by our day to day encounters with people.

        A friend of mine is keen on a site called Audioboo.fm, which is, as you might imagine, a platform for audio broadcast. You record direct to the site, I think. It had a lot of support from British actor and comedian Stephen Fry, who, completely unconnected to anything, also happens to be bipolar. It’s meant to be a place for quick, snappy “thoughts” from people, and I believe it has software for phones too so you can use it anywhere. Might be your cup of tea, as it were, I don’t know.

  4. I applaud you for having the courage to vblog! I could never do it myself – even if it wasn’t about bipolar. I didn’t tell my employer that I was bipolar, other than it being in my medical file. I couldn’t trust them. I came back to bite me though because my life crumbled with a resurgence of bipolar, OCD, and PTSD. I really understand not being able to get out of bed in the morning. I have that problem now as well as then. At least you have understanding coworkers, even if they do have a hard time with your absences. I hope you feel better soon!

  5. Ahhhh, the headache excuse. Isn’t it sad that we can’t just say “Hey, it’s a bad day.” Everyone has bad days, but for some reason we aren’t allowed to admit it. I understand that businesses have to run smoothly, but how smoothly do they run if worker productivity is off? Lymies understand this all too well, as do many others. I love the website “Butyoudontlooksick.com” as it shows how many of us deal with this every day. And for us nonsmokers, why is it fair for others to take a smoke break when they feel overwhelmed but we can’t just take a “breath of fresh air” break? I’m glad you are giving the vlog a try. It forces us to be honest and show how it really is, doesn’t it? Keep it up! I’ve gotten really good feedback from mine, and even a few questions from strangers (whoo hoo!).

    Hang in there, and I know some days are harder than others, believe me. I wish I could get out of this bed and work. I feel completely useless sometimes and wonder why I’m even on this earth. And then I get encouragement from someone I’ve never even met, who tells me they’ve gotten something out of my vlog/blog and it makes it all worthwhile.

  6. Oh, and don’t worry about keeping it positive when you don’t feel positive. It sounds like you want to blog about how it really is. Let people see that vulnerable side and you’ll help them know they aren’t alone. At least that’s what I’m getting from the Lyme community. Keep it up, brave woman!


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