Hospitalization has been suggested……Sorta kinda freaking out about how real this is

My psychiatrist just called  me back after I left him a confused voice mail on Friday morning. In my appointment last week I completely minimalized my mood swings and made it seem like the 50mg of Seroquel was really helping. It’s not.

Anyways, he just suggested that I go into inpatient care to jump up my dose of Seroquel to 300mg for a few days and get over the drowsiness because the low dose is not helping, just making me sleepy, which is enabling  my melancholic depression in the mornings. He did give me another option….stay at home under the supervision of my housemates and watch movies (surely a more wallet friendly approach).

BUT he still said “hospitalization.” This shit is getting real. I have to make the decision of whether I want to take this medication thing seriously. I mean I have been taking it fucking seriously, but it’s going to another level if I take a few days off of life to seriously DO this thing. Yikes.

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11 Comments

  1. I know hospitalization seems scary and I was not sure about it either when I was started on lithium and Seroquel, but I found it ok. Yes, I thought I didn’t belong there but reminded myself they were making sure I was handling new meds ok, eating properly and resting. It also gave me the chance to talk to other patients about stuff that would freak out other people, it felt good to be able to say yeah I have bipolar and people didn’t bat an eyelid. Best wishes with whatever you choose to do – I remember waking up one morning after starting Seroquel and the first thing I said to the nurse was ‘damn best sleep of my life!’. Hope it goes well for you too xx

    Reply
    • Thanks for the encouragement! And yes the sleep is the BEST! I just have trouble coming out of it!

      Reply
  2. Jewells

     /  March 26, 2012

    Take it seriously! Bipolar is an illness and only medication can help. If this medication doesn’t work go to another one. I went through many medications and still am. The other day my doctor said when I first came in there I was all over the place, then she saw a new me for a while, and now I’m slumping again. We’re going to try Lithium ER 45mg – I like Lithium it’s the one think I can take without drawbacks. I’m also on Zoloft. Unfortunately, our hormones change all the time which medications may need to be change again.

    I must ask – have your considered suicide? I’m worried about you.

    Reply
    • I’ve never been suicidal (thank god). My depression is mostly melancholic, but something never let’s me sink to the complete bottom. I always end up cycling back up before it gets that bad.

      Sometimes I get really reckless (hypomania/mania) and adopt an attitude of “I don’t give a shit what happens to me,” and get myself into sketchy situations. But I am really self aware. Thinking that way scares the shit out of me and I snap out of it and end up crying.

      Reply
    • Thank you for your concern. I really appreciate the support.

      Reply
  3. I’m sorry you’re going through tough times, but some meds do knock you for a loop when you first start taking them. When I first started taking Olanzapine/Zyprexa it knocked me out so badly I had to find places to hide at work and sleep. In my experience, if you can get over the hump, they get better. Sometimes it takes a week or two, sometimes longer.

    Our disease doesn’t understand that we have lives and jobs and have to be productive. It doesn’t understand that we only have so many sick days and vacation days. It doesn’t understand that for some of us there is only so much money to spend on doctors and hospitals.

    But it will kill you if you turn your back on it, so yes, please do take it seriously. Lots of us do manage and you can too.

    I just started reading your blog and I know I’m not Mr. Sunshine, but I’m rooting for you.

    Reply
  4. Ironically my pdoc changed my meds yesterday. I was having trouble comprehending the week off work. bpder has exactly addressed the argument I had to have with myself yesterday. Yes, hospitalization was mentioned and I thought of you 🙂 a few days off life yes, but I’m trying to remember that a few days off to change meds might mean less time off work being unwell if I didn’t change them… Keep us posted on how your doing

    Reply
    • That is a great point. I’m missing half days of work here and there, when I should just take off the time in the first place for a hiatus of sorts.

      I will keep you posted and I will be reading your blog to see how you’re doing as well 🙂

      Reply
  5. I’m a little bit late in responding, but…there’s no way I could have gotten on my med without a hospital stay. You feel pretty out of it at first and at least there’s trained staff around to keep an eye on you. Although the movie option sounds pretty good, too. 🙂 Seriously, it sounds scary but it can wind up being the best thing ever for the bipolar. Keep us posted, OK?

    Reply
    • I will! Thanks for the input. I think I’m going to do it, but I have to figure out when to do it. I’m wrapping up a big project for the next week and a half and I wonder if I can wait that long. We shall see!

      Reply

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